So why now, what's brought me back to blogger? I need an outlet, a way to get things out, they don't need to be read by anyone else but perhaps if they are then it would create some understanding
When asked to describe yourself on a dating site I joined once, I chose 'Class Clown' and I guess that's a role I've always ended up filling, I've always been a happy, jokey kind of guy. Well at least up until around 7 years ago
I can't pinpoint a day when things changed, I just know there was a time when things weren't quite the same, something didn't feel quite right
They say depression is irrational and that could not be more true. So many times I would tell myself 'you can't be depressed, what have you got to be depressed about' or 'you're just having a bad day'. But when the bad days become the norm, when they very nearly become very bad days and the good days become fewer, you have to accept that there's a problem somewhere
It's taken me 7 years and the end of yet another relationship to finally seek help, it's time to finally learn to love myself so that one day I can be capable of properly loving someone else and accept that someone might love me
The next days, weeks, months, maybe even years are going to be tough ones. There'll be good days and bad days but everyday is a journey towards getting back to just being me and being happy
Now you may wonder why I would post something like this to a public forum. Surely I should be embarrassed about this, surely it makes me less of a man to admit that sometimes I just feel really fucking sad. But you see the thing is, you can be sad on your own, you can feel worthless on your own, sometimes you can even feel like jumping off a bridge on your own.
What is harder to do on your own is tell jokes, laugh, sing, dance, run, eat, do triple somersaults (I don't think any number of people can help with that one). Being around people is one of the best medicines, people that support you even though you're sometimes a dick, people that don't care about how much you earn, what car you drive, how big your pen...collection is. People that just accept you for who you are.
Now you're thinking, surely he's not going to start writing a blog about how shit he feels every day. Who the fuck wants to read that? And you'd think nobody, heck even I may not read this back. But maybe, just maybe, there'll be other people that think 'yeah do you know what, I've had enough of feeling this way, maybe I should do something about it'
So I'm gonna try and write a diary of sorts. Good days, bad days (don't worry I'm intending to focus on the good) fun days and sad days. And maybe it will create a better understanding of a problem that effects so many that so few talk about
Happy Tuesday everyone, enjoy the day because you never know when your last Tuesday will come
You have taken a huge step, a really positive one, and should feel proud of yourself for that. Depression is a complex illness, people find it hard to understand, and as you say - even the sufferer is often confused - "what have I got to be depressed about". There is not always a reason, it's an imbalance of brain chemicals. Even rich, clever, talented people get depression, and 1 in 3 people will suffer a mental health issue at some point.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have sought help. Medication can get your mood lifted. Talking/counselling is really helpful although men tend to find showing their emotions difficult!
Take one day at a time, whenever you can do positive activities - a nice walk, something you enjoy doing etc. Exercise is also really good as it releases endorphins which in turn lift the mood. Make sure you eat healthily, avoid alcohol & caffeine as they depress the mood.
Importantly, remember you will get through this and feel better. Take care & good luck.
Was moved enough to register and post, normally keep well below the radar.
ReplyDeleteWell done Ben for taking the first brave step. Mental health issues are something
many people find very difficult to discuss. I personally had CBT therapy over a
period of 9 months, over 14 years ago. This enabled me to no longer be defined
by a tragic event in my life. I personally think of myself as a success story, and
from reading your blog you should too.
Meditation or mindfullness helps me in my day to day struggles. Give it a try,
and pass on my regards to your family.
You have taken the first footstep on the road less travelled.
Hi Edward. Thank you for your kind words. I have tried meditation before and actually might try it again. I'm speaking to the doctor next week about CBT so we'll see how that can help me
DeleteRandom question but you wouldn't be my cousin Edward would you?
There are many forms of meditation. I've tended to avoid any tied to a particular belief system. My own particular troubles with mental health issues, manifested itself as psychosomatic illness. Anxiety and panic attacks, were my daily comapnion for a time.
ReplyDeleteThis dogged me for years, until I sought professional counseling. Something that for me resolved so many issues, I had just thought everyone else shared. I return to the lessons I learnt from the counseling, almost on a daily basis.
Not as random as you might think. Yes, although you won't remember me I am your cousin.
Thank you, I will do some research
DeleteI'm afraid you're right, I don't remember you but it seemed a little too random for us to not be related. Can I ask how you came across the blog?
You appeared on my Facebook this morning, with the question do you know this person?
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your Blog, I was so moved by your honesty regarding mental health. This
is something us guy's are not supposed to discuss. So I thought I would congratulate you on
putting together such a great Blog, which can't have been easy to do. I'm more than happy to discuss my own mental health issues, with whoever. In your particular case, it seemed especially appropriate.
Keep up the good work Ben.